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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sweetrevenge87's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
6:59 pm
"if you live for me...i'll die for you"

yeah so i realized something...im pathetic, im so worried about jeffrey and i tihnk its about time that i realized that nothing is ever going to happen, how fucking stupid am i not to realize that?

i mean four whole fucking wasted pathetic, idiotic, obsseive years...just lost

i dont know how many people know this but when i was going out with damien and i found out jeffrey wasnt dating chrissy anymore i really had to convince myself not to break up with him just on a hope that he'd want me

who in there right mind would want me?...im so fucking stupid!!!

im not anything to anyone and its time that i realized that...im not the girl of anyones dreams

but yet in my heart i still wish something would happen and we'd end up together...i always thought that was the only way things could possibly be right

everything is wrong....its impossible to change
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
5:39 pm
Killing me would be too easy
"1,2,3 this tragedy was built on destiny" mest

ok so i give up...i tried to apologize to caitlin, but she hates me so i guess that was pointless...so ok i give up...is that what the fuck everyone wants...i give up!!!!!!!! I FUCKING GIVE UP!!! YOU ALL FUCKING BROKE ME DOWN CONGRATUALTIONS!!!!!!!! YOU ALL FUCKING WON!!!!!!

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: lonely
4:27 pm
"the fighting rages on and on...to challage me you must be strong"

so she tole me to go kill myself...thats one more reason for me to live...i dont even care if i am being "over dramtic" or what else...but dont fucking tell me to kill myself...althought it made me cry at first...eventually it just pissed me off...and yet again any questions to why i say i have no REAL friends anyone who would say that aint a friend...so if ur mad at me caitlin...i am sorry i realize that i was being dramtic last nite and all the other times i guess i shouldnt have said that stuff..i cant be mad at u cause i asked u if u thought i was like that and u were honest w/ me...and its not ur job to have everything thats wrong w/ me shoved in ur face, and i never said i was quitting guard cuz no one talked to me...i said i might quit because i dont think i can do it anymore and i was pissed that i missed the parade which i was looking forward to...i dont know tho when i get really mad i just say that i want to quit...so when tuesday rolls around i guess i will have decided if i want to quit or not...i feel like an asshole but not much i can do now!!

so tommorow is halloween so that should cheer me up tons!! i love halloween!!!

Aint nothign but a goth thign
alexis

Current Mood: blank
12:44 pm
i take it back i have friends that care about me...Christina  cares about me,CJ caresabout me, rich cares and sometimes even Jeffrey cares...sometimes other people care...but bitching me out doesnt seem like you care...so sorry but i dont buy it!! and so kristie doesnt start fucking bitching I AM NOT ONLY TALKING ABOUT YOU!!  i am lonley and upset i am allowed...everyone wanted to know why i was saying i had no friends so i said why i felt like that now ur all pissed about...i could have sugar coated it  and said "oh i didnt mean it"  but no i told the truth...so if ur mad at me for telling the truth then fuck off!!! this is retarded i have enough real problems to deal with this then this shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: annoyed
11:49 am
dreanced in my pain again...
Survey Bitches

[ ] I am bisexual or homosexual
[x] I've run away from home
[x] I listen to political music.(s.o.a.d , rage)
[x] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad
[x] I open up to others easily
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[ ] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own an ipod or mp3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[ ] I love Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I paid for that cell phone ringtone.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam
[x] I bake well!
[] I would wear pajamas to school
[x] I own something from Abercrombie
[ ] I have a job
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[x] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly
[x] I have many scars
[ ] I've been out of this country..
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room...
[x] I am really ticklish
[ ] I see a therapist.
[x] I love chocolate...
[x]I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me...for the most part
[x] I play computer games/video games when i'm bored...
[ ] Gotten lost in your city/town.
[ ] Saw a shooting star.
[ ] Been to any other countries.....
[ ] I had a serious Surgery.
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] I have kissed a stranger
[x] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[ ] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents....
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts...
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Broken a bone.
[x] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car.
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Shoplifted.
[x] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job.
[x]Gone on a blind date.
[x] Lied to a friend.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone dying.
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[ ] Been on a plane.
[ ]seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[ ] Eaten Sushi.
[x] Felt used
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing...
[x] Been ice skating.
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a moto cross show.
[ ] Gone/Going to college.
[x] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers.
[x] Were so bored you took this survey.

Current Mood: calm
9:56 am
HOW CAN I LIVE IF YOU KNOW? I LOST MY FAITH LONG AGO!... GOD IF YOUR THERE LET ME KNOW!
"Take Me Away (Cried Out To Heaven)"

I never wanted it to be this way
Crashing down like the pouring rain
Lying still in my blood-stained clothes
Is this the ending that no one knows
Is this the ending that no one knows
Is this the ending that no one knows

I cried out to heaven when I thought I lost myself
I cried out to heaven when I thought I lost myself

Myself

How can I live if you know
I lost my faith long ago

Ripped and torn from the inside out
Reminded of what I used to doubt
Letting go and I'll fly away
I'll see you all again someday
I'll see you all again someday
I'll see you all again someday

I cried out to heaven when I thought I lost myself
I cried out to heaven when I thought I lost myself

Myself

How can I live if you know
I lost my faith long ago
I think it's time to let go
God if you're there, let me know
Let me know

When did I lose my faith
Long ago
When did I lose my faith
I guess I'll never know
When did I lose my faith
Long ago
When did I lose my faith
I guess I'll never know

I never wanted it to be this way
Crashing down like the pouring rain
Lying still in my blood-stained clothes
Is this the ending that no one knows
Is this the ending that no one knows
Is this the ending that no one knows

So take me away
Take me away
(Take me away)
Take me away
So take me away
(Take me away)

How can I live if you know
I lost my faith long ago (How can I live now)
I think it's time to let go (Is it time? Let go)
God if you're there, let me know
Let me know

I never wanted it to be this way
9:35 am
"i never wanted it to be this way crashing down like the pouring rain" Mest

to answer my question frm yetserday "could this day get any worse" ...well it did...
ok so people were getting mad cause i kept saying i didnt have friends...well this is how i felt it happened...it was like when i told them why i said it they got pissed...well i know its my fault caitlin and i argued...but i cant do anythign to fix it now. but kristie got online last night and just jumped to a conclussion about why i wasnt at the parade...buts it not like she couldve known what happened...i didnt skip out halloween is my fave holiday and i was so excited for that parade...it doesnt matter...but for the recored kristie if u do read this u never once tried to fucking talk to me...so cut the high and mighty bullshit cause u never tried to talk to me...u yelled at me and then i fucking yelled back...there was no nice conversation there...whatever i dont care if u guys like me anymore i'll just be alone...but one more thing kristie...how can POSSIBLY know if i am overreacting...u have no idea what happened saturday...i didnt tell anyone about that so u think u know everythign...tell me what i was overreacting about...


AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS
Saturday, October 29th, 2005
9:35 pm
and the whining continues

"its empty and cold without you here too many people to ache over"

 

So he has a fucking girlfriend now....could this day get any fucking worse...

8:31 pm
"Look at the way we're dying"


geez...wonder why I would say i didnt have and friends...no one fucking gave a fucking shit about me...i know i've said i wanted to die before...but i mean it this time...i told jeffrey i never wanted to die more then i did when i saw that windsheild...NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!! but i still dont know who i am talking to...i told everyone who reads this...no response...i told jeffrey considering he always wants to hear about my problems...NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! he always tell me i can call him so i dont cut (which as some might know i started doing again) i didnt even call him i sent him a message on myspace...i didnt ask him to call but he didnt even send me a fucking message saying it was going to be alright...saying...anything...i know he read it...it fucking says he did...so why cant he be there for me like he said he would...why does he tell me he cares about me...on the phone the other day he said "i do care about you even tho u say i dont" hmmmm where in the FUCK would i get an idea like that...him not caring its riduclous...god i want to call him but who the fuck knows where he will be...i know he has his own problems...but when he told me about what happened to his dad...i fucking dropped all my issues to actually give a fuck about all the shit that was happening to him...whatever no one cares...NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME!!! NOT EVEN THE ONE I NEED TO RIGHT NOW!!!

Current Mood: pissed the fuck off!!!!
5:53 pm
I DIDNT GO TO THE PARADE...CAUSE I AM A FUCKING ASSHOLE...I WENT TO BED WISHING I WOULD DIE IN MY SLEEP...UNFORTUNALTY I WOKE UP
Friday, October 28th, 2005
5:37 pm
i deserve to die
" i feel like running head first into traffic"

i am a fucking asshole who doenst deserve to live...in the car my mom and i got into a fight...and i hit the dasboard with a hotel pan pissed off but what i didnt notice was i accidently hit the fucking windsheild...i hate my fucking self...so my mom started flipping out naturally and i started crying i cant fucking believe i did that we dont have the fucking money to fix that...i screwd up majorally i started yelling about killing myself...its true its what i should fukcing do...jump off a cliff or walk in front of a truck...anything to die its what i deserve. i think i am turning into angie...but i dont think i have trhe guts to kill myself

Current Mood: suicidal
3:16 pm
"stare atyou as you slit my wrist, and as we share our last kiss, HOLD ME AS WE DIE!" mest

ok so yea last nite i was on the phone at like 10; 30 ish and i was in my living room and all of a sudden my mom yelled up the stairs at me "GO TO BED!!!" it was so funny...but i stayed on longer

so school was ok...but Octorara didnt have school and that was like half the culinary students so i mean it was cool cause there wasnt too many kids so we were all hanging out and getting our shit done...beating u p marquis the usual! so yeah then lunch was boring and so was the bus ride...downingtown lunch wasnt nothign specail!

anyway so in english we watched the movie for "in cold Blood" which was pretty good...
then it was my FIFTH day in accounting...amazing i know!!
Then sceince found out we were the stupid class!! haha and pat walked past like 50 times!! it was funny!

then monica and i were both bitchin the whole walk home it was funny!!!

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: awake
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
4:54 pm
"well i know i'm outside of ur window w? my radio" Hawthorne Heights

Ok so i was being slightly dramtic yesterday and the day before w/ the whole "i have no friends thing" but well all day today i was like that and then (only continue reading if u want to hear how much of a dork i am ) i got a cute little message from jeffrey on my pic that i stole from danish's myspace! yeah i warned u it was gonna be dorky!! whatever...anyway so thats all....

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
Alexis

Current Mood: dorky
Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
6:55 pm
"mama and daddy got the best cocaine, riddlin's never gonna feel the same 24 hours on an empty brain i got my finger on the trigger and YOUR IN MY WAY!!!"

so yeah the whole no friends thing definatly applies to my life...but i had a good day so frineds or not i have the ablity to be happy some times...

so i missed guard and whatever...i am glad we won and i still have some fun but i really sick of it

on the happy side of life i got all the shit for my halloween costume! i got the fabric for my wings and black lip stick and red fishnets...i hope it comes out as cute as i want it too!

AINT NOTHIGN BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: creative
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
7:20 pm
"I give my heart cause nothing can compare in this world to you"

ok so i am going to bitch some more.....i dont feel like i have any friends i dont have any REAL friends! and i never go anywhere anymore and i never do anything, i know my mom doesnt fucking care! no one fucking cares and no matter how much people say they care NO ONE acts like it...and jeffrey cares about me so much well fucking act like it! anyway it not ok...i am not ok! its so annoying i fucking hate feeling like this! no matter how often i do! whatver my life is falling apart and i am alone to watch it crumble in front of my face!

AINT NOTHIGN BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: lonely
6:00 pm
"and i'm throwing away the letters that i am writing you cause they would never do I WOULD NEVER DO!!!" dC

i fukcing knew i shouldnt have talked to him when he Imed me...god i am so fukcing stupid to think he actually gave a damn about me! I dont know shit about what happens to him...and then he acts all fukcing weird when we talk! i dont know yesterday it all seemed ok and then now...i dontknow its just not anymore...hes killing me and he doesnt fucking even take a look around and notice that everytime it happens it beacuse of him...and this is just me ranting but i just dont fucking get it...so lets see everyone was wrong and i was right all along...

we arent going to be anything but whatever friends if u can call us that...i knew all along he never actually cared about me that way...i knew he never would, well i cant even tell him how i feel. he should know but no he doesnt care, hes got a bunch of slutty chicks whats he gonna do w/ a girl like me?

i am so obviously not his type, i mean look at his other girlfriends, slutty chicks and since i'm not slutty i am alone, i got absolutly no one, alot of friends have boyfriends or girlfriends and it seems like i wont ever have anyone....

whatever i mean all that shit about him caring about what the fuck was the point in that? he could have just left me alone and everyone would be ok...is he that BLIND??????

whats the point in him telling me not to leave him alone when we actually do talk he acts like a fukcing asshole...all weird and then his profile.......i dont even get it but it is ironic...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: crushed
5:14 pm
"you wear me out" my chemical romance

ok so yeah i got more issues...i am trying to keep it togther this time...

color guard was ok today...we didnt actually do anything but watch the tape...which it actually looked alot better then i was thinking it would so thats fucking awesome...

but yeah there is a story behind my lyric today...grrr but i am not gonna get into that!

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: confused
Monday, October 24th, 2005
3:57 pm
"stab my heart because i love you", "rip apart my soul" and of course "stabby rip stab stab"
"staring at the carnage praying that sun will never rise"

ok so yeah i have not much to say...so yeah i heard this song "emo kid" from caitlins little sister...its pretty funny my title is a line from that song!...monica is now attacking me...she wont get off me o my god she wrote that too!

ok well i guess thats all...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: apathetic
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
12:30 pm
It was so cute and stupid and retarded
"i just want something for nothign" the bravery


so yesterday was a relativly good day...the guard had to be at the school at 2. so we got there and dave was running late so caitlin and i had some food...then we went to practice...then we joined the band...then we ate again and did make up and got on the buses...we drove up there...then we practiced and then it was time...to go on...it was fucking windy and rainy and our flags were sticking to us and shit...but i didnt think we did so bad but then everyone cried and i dont know why...but yeah then a miracle WE WON BEST COLOR GUARD! i was in shock!! anyways the band didnt win anything and as danish said we can shove it in there faces! it was fun...i got home at went to sleep and then i woke up today at 12 and got on and i talked to some people....i am tired as shit tho! but it was fun! yeah i'm glad i had some fun this weekend yeah i flipped out on the bus once but other then that i think everything was ok. yeah...uhh i'll be ok!

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Current Mood: chipper
Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
1:28 pm
"in my dreams it me and you...and still i saw it all come true, as time went by faith in you grew" a7x

so last nite i was up late watching degrassi so i am pretty tired, umm well tonite is cavalcade so i gotta go get ready for that...well it should be fun but then i am coming home and crashing...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

ps...I am still not talking to him for the time being...cuz when i said it i meant it!
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